Chapter 1

IN THE BEGINNING…

July 9th, 19**, I graced the world with my presence. You’re welcome. 😉

So, as the story goes.. After hours and hours of labor, my heartbeat stopped and they had to do an emergency c-section. I was born breech with the cord wrapped around my neck. I joke and say I was trying to off myself even then, because I knew what a shit show life was going to be. But alas, I survived. Yay.

At 6 weeks old my mom dropped me off at my Grandma and Grandpa’s house, where I lived for the first 12 years of my life. I don’t know why I was dropped off like a sack of potatoes, but I was. No really, I still have yet to get an answer as to why. Regardless, my Grandma (Nanny) and Grandpa (Pop-Pop) were my parents as far as I’m concerned. Rest their sweet souls..

I lived with Nanny and Pop-Pop in their little house, and my Mom and Dad lived in their house together, about 30 minutes away. I’d also like to add that I lived with my Aunt (let’s call her Mary) and Uncle (let’s call him Bob) too. They were siblings, Nanny and Pop-Pop’s kids (and my Moms sister and brother), so not a married couple or anything. And that’s that.

NANNY & POP-POP

Nanny and Pop-Pop were the typical 50’s era style of family. They married just out of high school and had 7 kids. They traveled all around the US as a military family. Nanny was the absolute sweetest woman you’d ever come across. She had dinner ready by 5:30–6pm every night. She cleaned the house, took care of everyone and everything basically. And since she never drove, she would walk to the grocery store and do her shopping, and then walk back with all her little groceries in hand. Pop-Pop was a retired Navy Pilot, so he was home a lot although he did have his daily routine of going to the gym, etc. Even into his late 90’s, he would always stay on a daily routine and go to the gym. But it was their relationship that I saw and wanted the same for myself. I still do at times find myself stuck in the “50’s era” type thinking. Such as the man works and makes the money while the wife stays at home and raises the kids, takes care of the house, etc. And while that’s outdated, I still find myself longing for that simple life…

AUNT MARY

So, about Aunt Mary. Hah, I could write an entire book about her. Aunt Mary had long dark brown hair that went down to her butt. She only wore 2 outfits that I ever saw: A long sleeve sweatshirt with matching pants, knee high socks (so that not an inch of skin was showing), and the other outfit was actually a pajama set.. which I saw her in 99% of the time. You know, those flannel pajama sets, with the long sleeve button up shirt and matching pants. They usually had some floral print on them, like tiny little roses, etc. She got a new pair every year for Christmas, and that’s what she would live in basically. Minus the few times she left the house, then she would wear the sweatshirt and pants outfit. Oh and even with the pajamas, she still wore the knee high socks. I remember asking her once as a kid, why she never showed her legs and always wore socks. She said it’s because she didn’t have legs, lol, which I’m going to assume perhaps she was embarrassed because she didn’t shave or something? She would bathe about once or twice a month, usually on a Sunday. What I remember distinctly about her though, was all her cats. She had a couple in her room, the one I got to really know though was Luther. She was a gorgeous long haired solid black cat, with big yellow eyes. Her meow was almost like a squeak. She was really small too, even full grown, so Aunt Mary was really protective over her. So much in fact that when I tried to pet her one time- she grabbed me by my hair and dragged me across the floor, away from Luther. (That wasn’t the first time that happened unfortunately, or the last..) So as I was saying.. Aunt Mary had her own room at the end of the hall, across from Uncle Bob’s. Mine was next to Uncle Bob’s, so across from Aunt Mary’s as well. There was also a bathroom next to Aunt Mary’s room, but no one was allowed to use it except Aunt Mary. It was her bathroom, apparently. But I remember sneaking into it as a kid and going through things. It was just random things, like toilet paper and toothbrushes and toothpaste, nothing too unusual or exciting. However, when I got to the medicine cabinet, that’s when I saw the rows and rows of pill bottles. Not all were hers, some were her cats, but a lot were definitely hers. For the record, I’m not saying they were pain pills or anything like that — because I don’t know. They could have been. But I think they were mostly psych meds — such as antidepressants, anti anxiety, etc. since Aunt Mary was clearly a hoarder and hermit. She didn’t go out in public unless she was basically forced to, or unless she had planned it out down to every last detail. I’m sure that she suffered from Agoraphobia, as well as a list of other disorders. Mental illness definitely runs in my family, and this is just one example out of many more to come, with Aunt Mary…

UNCLE BOB

Moving on for a second, let’s talk about Uncle Bob. He was a quiet guy with shaggy hair and a shaggy beard to match. I actually didn’t see much of him growing up because he was usually in his room. Or not home. I have theories of where he was and what he was doing, but that’s just speculations that I probably shouldn’t speak on. But at least he worked and sometimes he would stop on the way to bring home a Little Caesars pizza for everyone. I only ever saw inside his room twice, maybe three times max, and it was filled to the ceiling with old newspapers and books and just other random junk. So, another hoarder for sure. I mean it kind of looked like Aunt Mary’s room, although she had litter boxes too. But besides that, Uncle Bob wasn’t too involved in my upbringing. Actually, he kind of felt like a stranger, even though we lived in the same house and our rooms were next to each other. It’s just that I barely knew him. I do have a few memories of sitting on his lap when I was really small, watching tv together. And I believe there is a photo as well. But as I got older, he started to recluse away and hide in his room when he wasn’t working.

MOM & DAD

I guess I should mention something about my Mom and Dad too.. So, my Mom was 30 when I was born. And my Dad was 37. They were married, my Mom was his second wife. He had been married before and had two daughters, my half sisters. I remember seeing them a few times growing up, but nothing really much more than that. There was no bond or relationship, and I believe my Mom kept is that way purposely. My Mom worked for the government and my dad worked for the county, so they had pretty good jobs. They also owned a house and each had a car of their own to drive. In fact, they also had a boat too, and sometimes during the summers we would go on the lake at my Aunts house (Dad’s sister) and cruise around in it. But the point is, they were stable and pretty well off. So I don’t understand why I was sent to live with my Nanny and Pop-Pop and honestly, I’ll probably never get a truthful answer. Now, I’m not saying I didn’t ever see my parents, because I did, usually on the weekends though. It was like Nanny and Pop-Pop were my parents, and my Mom and Dad were just the weekend parent with visitation, picking me up Friday night and dropping me back off Sunday evening. I would visit with my Mom and go shopping, usually at the mall, and I’d get a Rainbow Cotton Candy ice-cream cone when we were done. Sometimes my Mom would take me to the playground across the street too. My Dad would sometimes work on the weekends, but when he wasn’t, I would hang out at the house with him, usually watching TV together. He had a Beagle he called Buck, named after the male deer, since he loved hunting (and fishing) so much. I do believe that Buck, along with Angie (my Mom’s Yorkie), is what started my love for dogs. Angie was allowed in the house, but Buck wasn’t, which I found really unfair. Sometimes when my Mom wasn’t home my Dad would sneak Buck inside. I remember a time he peed a little on the corner of my bed and my Mom lost her shit, starting a huge argument with my Dad. I really don’t understand the point of having a dog if you’re just going to keep it chained up outside.. but regardless, that’s just how things were.

So, this was my life pretty much, up until I started school, which is definitely another chapter 😅 lol

I hope this gives you some insight into the very early years of my life. If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to leave a comment!

I’m going to post this now.. and start working on the next part. 🙃