Just Survive Somehow
*TRIGGER WARNING*
“Wakin’ up but wishin’ that you don’t.. 🎶
It’s somethin’ that I pray you’ll never know…” 🎵
These lyrics cut deep because I absolutely know what it’s like to wish that you don’t wake up. I spent way too many years depressed and afraid to ask for help. To self medicate with all the drugs I could consume — only to still drag a razor across my skin.. just to feel *something* else than the current pain I was in.
And now, I’m left with all of these scars.. as a permanent reminder of all those years spent in absolute anguish and loneliness. Complete and utter hopelessness. It’s also a reminder of all I’ve overcome I suppose.. you know, the old saying.. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” My strength is and will always be my kids.. I will always have *THREE* reasons as to why I must keep going. 🖤🖤🖤
My Arms (Healed), as of 3/13/22
I told my kids when they were younger that the scars on my arms/legs were from when I was cooking, and that I “accidentally burned and cut myself” while doing so…
My youngest son, (who was probably 5/6 years old at the time) said.. “Wow, you must be a really bad cook!” 😅 Lol.. so innocent.. 🥺
My kids now know, what the scars are from and how they came about. Maybe not all of the exact details.. but they’ve figured out that I was once a cutter/self harmer. I just wanted to protect them from the bad things in the world.. for as long as I could.. and I still do.
Unfortunately though, that’s not how LIFE works.. and as they get older, I know they’re going to have to experience some things that we all did; heartbreak, peer pressure, disappointment.. pain & hurt in general, and the list goes on… 💔
I just hope that they always know, that no matter what happens, no matter what path they go down.. they can always come to me.. and I will always do my best to fix things and help them, however I can. (Even if it means burying a body.. because for them, I would do that… 😜) ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
