One Day At A Time
I’ve come to the realization of a few things, and it’s hitting me like a ton of bricks.
In Parenthood, you go through stages…
The Newborn & Infant Stage — Where they are completely dependent on you for everything 1000%…
To the Toddler Stage — Where they are starting to get a bit of independence, but still rely on you for mostly everything…
To the School Age Stage — Where they are starting to become their own little person, making friends, etc. but still running back to you and needing you though…
And then you have the Teenage Stage, where I currently am — Where they are venturing out and testing the waters, having friends and their first relationships even.. experimenting with things (some good & some not so good 😏).. they’re working their first jobs most likely.. and they are now their own person, with their own morals & views on things.. they’re planning out their dreams & goals for the future.. because soon, they are going to go off to college and essentially “Leave The Nest”. They still need you during this stage, but they would rather spend majority of their time with their friends and out doing other things, vs spending time with their “Mommy”.. where as before during the other stages, they loved doing things as a family &/or you. Empty Nest Syndrome is real, and for me, it’s here for one of my kids, and not too far off for the others.
I am grieving all of these “Stages” of Parenthood that I missed out on. The stages where they wanted me around and needed me the most. I’m grieving the fact that they don’t need me like I want them to need me. It’s hard to accept all of this. It’s almost as if I don’t know my “place” in their lives right now.. or even in the world to be honest. I’ve always been *THEIR MOMMY*.. The one person they always wanted and needed.. but as they approach Adulthood.. I’m no longer needed in “that way” anymore. And yes, I’ll ALWAYS be Mommy, and they’ll ALWAYS need me in their lives.. but it’s not the same kind of need when they were little and relied on me for every little thing. It’s just not the same at all. It’s a process.. Grief in general. Parenthood in itself is a journey as well.
Having a baby at 15, you don’t think about these kinds of things. I mean, I don’t even think my brain was developed enough to comprehend any of this. I’m having a hard time now even comprehending all of this to be honest, lol. It’s A LOT, to say in the least.
I’m sure other parents of teenagers are going through this.. or maybe they haven’t even thought about it to this extent. One of the joys of having Anxiety — I overthink everything. Every. Single. Thing.
Anyways.. now that I know what these feelings are and I’ve identified them.. I have to work through them. Since I’m Sober & have nothing to “take the edge off”, it’s a lot of feelings and emotions I’ve never felt before. And it’s scary.
I suppose the ole NA/AA “One Day At A Time” saying would fit perfectly for this, eh?
