‘Seas’ The Day
A photo I took in 2021 at the beach in Ocean City (MD), paired with one of my favorite quotes.
I was going through a really hard time during this vacation, and honestly just in general. I was overwhelmed, emotional x1000, and just feeling really depressed/anxious 24/7. I ended up “sucking it up” for my son so that he could have the best vacation possible. And we all had a great time — but I’ll never forget looking at the ocean that day & having that quote cross my mind.
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life is what dies inside us while we live.”
-Norman Cousins
I would say that was a spiritual turning point in my life. Or a turning point of something — either way, I started realizing just how short life is. And regardless of how unfair it’s been for me, it’s still my responsibility to make the best of it. I was tired of being sad all the time and consumed with guilt. I mean, I still feel this way, but it is starting to get better. Somewhat anyways…
I’ve always been a “glass half empty” kind of person. I wouldn’t say I’m negative, but I’m realistic. And it’s caused so many fights between relationships and family.. and even friends. I’m not a Religious person by any means, but I respect everyone’s freedom to choose their own personal beliefs. That goes for anything, not just Religion. Point is — I see life as pretty pointless and meaningless. Maybe it’s my Depression talking.. but I’ve always felt this way. In the grand scheme of things, we’re all just waiting to die. Born to die, literally. Some of us may be luckier than some.. you know, born into rich families where you never have to work a day in your life. Or, you could be completely unlucky, and born as a female into one of those countries where you are nothing more than just a possession of your husband, etc. I say this though, because I feel like so many people are just “making the best of it” in life, on auto pilot, just trying to get through another day… and I don’t want to live like this anymore. Just “getting through” another day. That’s how I’ve lived my entire life for the past 15 years damn near, in active Addiction. You live day to day, just getting through one day so you can get to the next… to just get through that one too.. and the cycle keeps repeating, with no break in between. It’s lonely.. it’s tiresome.. and it’s really defeating knowing that this is as good as it’s going to get…
Even in Recovery — or those of you lucky enough to have never experienced the wrath of Addiction — it’s the exact same shit. Just minus the drugs. When your entire existence is just trying to survive, you become trapped in the cycle without even realizing it at first. Working just to pay bills and rent, just so you have a place to lay your head in between work shifts.. barely any free time to actually do what you want to do.. and if you have the free time, your bank account reminds you quickly that it isn’t going to happen. You don’t get to really enjoy the things you’re paying for — like your own house or car or utilities — the list goes on. It’s actually pretty bleak.. and this is why I’m constantly looking for something more in life. Because *THIS*- this ain’t it!
*SIDE NOTE — I would like to add that I really admire the people that decided to sell all their belongings (only keeping the essentials) and size down their living quarters into a van or camper, etc. free to explore the world and all the things in life.. that you probably didn’t even know existed. I’m sure this lifestyle comes with it’s own expenses and complications.. but it must feel so liberating.. not having to conform to the expectations that society has burdened upon us.. complete and utter *FREEDOM*..
These thoughts are just something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind for quite some time.. well, forever really. Maybe others feel the same way.. maybe even you do?
So.. on that note… ‘Seas’ The Day!
(Seize The Day, btw. Sorry — but my love of Bad Puns and Dad Jokes are going to come out many times in my writing.. it’s just kind of my thing.. lol)
